The beginning

It all started early January 2017….

2017 started off with me setting huge personal goals for myself. It was “no bullshit 2017.” The BIG plan was to become a stronger individual personally, emotionally. To stop letting others walk all over me and take advantage of my good nature. Little did I know, 2017 had even BIGGER plans for me.

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Around the second week in January I noticed a lump in my left breast. It seemed to appear overnight and I promptly made an appointment with my family physician. Scared to high hell I walked into that appointment and was asked a plethora or questions, one of which I felt I had no answer to “is this the first time you’ve noticed the lump?”…well…yes…I think? I give myself regular self exams in the shower, but did I feel something before? Did I miss something? How could I have missed this? With no history of breast cancer in my family, and having just turned 27 my doctor suggested it was likely and infection, gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way. I was relieved, but still scared.

After a week or antibiotics, the lump was still there, and I really couldn’t tell…had it gotten better or worse? I went down the black hole that is Google/WebMD (bad, BAD idea), and was in tears shortly after. I made yet another appointment with my GP who then referred me for an ultrasound. Those two weeks of waiting were the longest two weeks of my life.

When I went in for my ultrasound, I was on the verge of crying as I lay there on the table, left breast exposed to the world, gross gel and a wand being crossed over again and again…*snap*…*click, click, click*…*snap*…*click, click, click* as the ultrasound tech took various photos and places markers. She measures the lump (4cm…Jesus.) She tells me she will be back…she needs to get the radiologist to look at my scans. “Great” I think, as my eyes well up, “now I really know something is wrong” (although I could clearly tell something was physically wrong…I didn’t really need the scans to confirm that). As the radiologist comes in, she is ALL business, no time for my jokes (shame..) the only thing she can say is “I’m surprised you’re no in pain” and she does yet another scan, snaps a few more pictures, and tells me the next step is a mammogram of both breasts and a core biopsy…

I get myself all scheduled and I feel oddly okay, maybe numb? I have a history of mental illness, and I have a hard time distinguishing some of my feels (especially that of feeling nothing and feeling okay.) The mammogram was fairly easy, a lot of waiting, not much information.

My biopsy is scheduled for Monday…I’m pretty terrified, but I’ll have the company of my fantastically supportive sister-in-law which makes me feel slightly better.

Update to come after the biopsy….


Karen Image result for heart emoji



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